The Hyborian Hypothesus

First things first: Thank you for the suggestions everyone.  The classes this week are going well with modern music.  I’m having trouble getting them to understand the music lyrics, but I think that is a matter of my choice of song rather than their understanding.  I feel a little guilty for not talking or discussing the bad side to pop music in the 90s, but I just can’t bring myself to talk about it.

I tried on some of my clothes today, and I can honestly say I have lost weight.  People keep asking about this, so I want to make it clear right now.  yes, weight has been lost.  No, I do not know how much, and no, I am not going to speculate on how much.  You will just have to live in suspense.

My diet has changed significantly.  I’ve forgotten what ice cream tastes like, I haven’t had any milk in quite some time(although I may have had it in some drinks, I’m not entirely sure).  I use a non-dairy creamer rather than milk or cream mostly because I don’t want to spend a weekend creating a unique relationship with my porcelain throne.  The ring of fire has reared its ugly head a few times since I came to China, less than I thought it would, but more than I ever needed it to.

And speaking of my frozen throne, I gotta say I am really missing a large bathroom with the shower in a separate compartment.  It’s getting really old that every time I take a shower I have to dry off the toilet because it’s covered in water.   And I have to maneuver all of my bathroom things to the other side of the room so that they don’t set soaked.  And I have special set of slippers, codename Michael and Caine, for the bathroom since it’s so wet in there.  I’m going to have to give that mold spot on my wall the Vote soon, it’s getting pretty close to sentience.  I’m hoping it will order pizza by the end of the year.

But living out here has given me a new outlook on life.  As Robert E. Howard once wrote for his famous Mary Sue character Conan the Barbarian what the best things in life are (to crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of their women)*.  Respectfully, he was wrong and Conan is a chump.

The best things in life are:  lavatory paper, hot water, and coffee.

*This sentence is wrong.  The quote actually comes from John Milius discussing Genghis Khan.  Thanks to Al Harron for the correction.  I’m pretty sure the line was used in one of the movies, but I could still be wrong and have this completely bungled.

7 thoughts on “The Hyborian Hypothesus”

  1. What makes Conan a Mary Sue, exactly? Making a strong barbarian character doesn’t exactly equate to Mary Suedom.

    Howard never wrote the “crush your enemies” thing, either: that was John Milius, paraphrasing a famous ancedote about Genghis Khan.

    1. Just watch you are going to come back lactose intolerant like me. I didn’t eat dairy for 6 month and I can’t eat it without the ring of fire…

  2. The Mary Sue comment came from my somewhat limited reading of Conan when I was younger. I never thought about it back then, but thinking about him recently(with the new movie coming out sometime soon) has me feeling like Howard was dreaming a little too much about his own unfulfilled fantasies. And thanks for the correction on the crush your enemies thing.

  3. Get you creative juice flowing, see if you can improvise some solution for you shower problem. I bet you can help a lot of people, students and teachers alike if some sort of shower curtain (circular?) can be install for minimal effort. Can you think of a way to install a shower certain for my cast-iron bath tub in my bathroom?

    1. all you need is circular tube, bent around, mount in two spots between the walls in that narrow space; curtain = problem solved!.

      This engineering solution has been given freely. good luck actually implementing/comprehending it!

      ha ha!

  4. This is all sounding like a certain TV show……can’t put my finger on it. Mmmmmm oh yeah Big Bang Theory. Your turning into a real nerd.

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