The Kung Fu Plumber Phenomenon

Our tale begins two months ago.  It begins, like all stories, with broken silenceA scream pierced the air and a clattering of pulled up britches greeted the concerned villagers*. The water which fed this poor village had turned icy cold, stealing what little heat could be garnered by them. But lo, there came a day when all this changed!  For it was on that day what the Kung Fu Plumber arrived to aid the desperate villagers.**  He did arrive in a whirlwind of destruction and mayhem, and tamed the wild elements with open fist, closed palm, and swinging monkey wrench.

I finally got a plumber this morning.  Basically, he came in, smoking a cig in a way that only plumbers, electricians, and carpenters can make look cool, and went to town on my bathroom.  He was an older fellow, thinning hair, and the limp fag in his mouth that spoke volumes.  I heard the clanging and whining first.  I went over to check, and I saw him, monkey wrench in hand, doing nothing.  But at his feet, lay remnants of plastic and pipe.  I returned to my chair, and then I saw the copper wiring go flying out the door.  Where copper wiring came from I have no idea, but it showed up to the party.  Then came the screwdriver so worn down it looked more shiv than screw.  Screws hit the floor with ringing sound and curses followed.  Last came more clanging, and a single foot stomp.  One cigarette, one job.  The few times I looked in, his hands were a whirlwind of motion, pulling things, slapping things, and wrenching things to his will.  Too fast to follow.  I was tempted to sing “Everybody was kung fu fighting, doo deet de doo, doo deet doot dee do, those kids were fast as lightning”.

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.  In and out in two minutes.  It was business time for this plumber, and he had his business socks.  And now, I have hot water!*

On another note, there’s a place on the wall of my bathroom that has water from outside getting to it, so it’s growing mold at a steady rate of alarming.  I pointed it out to the plumber, and one of the students explained for me that this is how they fix that: they build scaffolding up to the 10th floor(my floor) from the ground floor, and then they tear the wall a new one looking for the problem, fix it, and then throw away the scaffolding.  Bamboo scaffolding.  This is particularly worrying, because that wall faces same direction that the typhoon is coming.  I estimate the typhoon is gonna beat the repair people to owning the wall by about 2 weeks.  And also, for those of you who are curious about what my bathroom looks like:

*It was me screaming like a 12 year girl who has just discovered her terrier trying to hump her leg, because the water is nipple shrivelling cold.  And it was as such, for two long months.  60 days of cold showers.  Lemme tell you, there’s nothing funny about shrinkage.

**Or in this case, aid the beleaguered general in his pointless battle against the elements

***And there was much rejoicing

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