So here’s a rant:
Moore’s has quite the racket going on. You walk in there, you buy a coat, they charge you an obnoxiously large price for the coat, and then it’s over with. But in Richmond, you don’t really have another choice. I could go to downtown Vancouver, and then because of density the price goes up even higher. Supply and demand breaks down in the Richmond Suit and Jacket market. You buy less expensive suits when there’s one store with practically an monopoly on them, while in the downtown core there is an excess which increases their prices. Clearly, there is witchcraft involved. Either Moore’s has witches working on their payroll, or the downtown core has a large density of them which is causing a rupture in the space-time continuum! It is quite obvious that it much be witches downtown. One witch to one suit seems about right numbers wise, and I highly doubt that a place that charges lower prices for suits can properly compete with enough witches on their payroll to warp the fabric of reality.
So, one witch per jacket, several thousand people living in the downtown core, each one of them owning a jacket gives us a lot of witches. Now, we could test this theory by drowning the entirety of the little island, because we all know that witches float and burn. But I have a better idea. And it involves the dry cleaners. No, I’m not making some reference to some mobsters running their business out of a dry cleaners.
Alright, so even witches have to live like everyone else even in the downtown core. So, that means they have to portray even the normal amenities of day to day life. Now, speaking as someone who wore black clothes in high school for a couple months, I can say that black is difficult to keep in good maintenance. And all witches have a black robe and hat. Broomsticks are passe, but those black dresses never go out of style. They’re practically standard issue wear for them. So I propose that we track these fiends down who are causing a hole in the universe by going to every laundromat in the downtown core, stealing their client registry, cross referencing it with all the black clothes they are dry cleaning, and then kidnap them all.
Now, I know magic is a concern, so I have developed these special anti-magic wards. With just one enema( you wouldn’t want them to find it should they, however slim, catch you) you can be free of their magical powers. Now, go an capture them and save our fair city from the clutches of evil black dresses!!